This is about my life,
the different people I became,
through change, through loss
to adapt to new beginnings,
to be forgone with change.
The main character of my story,
the center of my universe,
observing the flow of destiny,
burning with passion, or pain.
A learner through my existence,
yet during tests, I tend to fall short,
connected with many souls,
and yet be alone, with my thoughts.
With what I admire to have become,
is built on stairs where I wept,
and in conversation where I explain with pride,
the thoughts remind me of being inept.
I am, strong,
through chaos, through hard times,
and yet I remember, to wish for less pain,
to crawl up in the corner,
wondering where I went wrong.
I am, selfless,
helpful with advice and tasks,
to support without benefit or cause,
yet I wish to be enough as I sleep,
to feel confident in my self-esteem.
I am, understanding,
to listen, to empathize, and care,
and yet, internally I get mad at times,
as I can see the mistakes others are about to make,
that i have made, filled with regret.
I am, distant,
emotionally sufficient alone at times,
to code, write, and think of the point of life,
and yet, memories of yearning for understanding,
for support, for space to be weak at times,
memoires to feel sufficient though dependent,
though all too distant from the present time.
I was, broken,
no hope, and just lost for life
no dreams, no goals, no wish to be better,
and yet, some people made me smile,
a support for my head to rest, and my heart to heal,
words of affirmation, and courage to dream.
I want to be, a leader,
to guide, to thrive, for a mission, combined,
and for now, I just look for a guide,
to look at ways that people thrive,
to learn the ways of many, and to guide, to survive.
I want to be, a hero,
with a calling, a purpose, an oath to my mind,
and yet, I get stumped with my own thoughts,
dry tears, failures, being lost, and difficult to find.
With all that I am, and was, and want to be,
each with its own future, own history,
each having a reason, to be what it became,
and each, find a reason to join the fight to change.
It is a fight, for better, or for worse,
to escape with fear, or to dive in with joy,
with all that I am, and was, and want,
I have been reluctant to escape the tide of time,
as that is fight through me, to the outside,
to look at the flow of destiny, and deny,
to win the war, is to sacrifice,
and yet with no idea of loss, or profit, when do we try?
an entity, look for signs, from the universe or from inside,
to open my eyes, to act, and to be sure, of life,
to decide, what I want, where I want, how I want to be,
a reluctant identity, with options, with no courage to choose.
I ponder,
with all I thought I was,
and all that I think I am,
and all that I admire or wish to want to be,
to find courage to decide,
to choose my regrets,
no changes, no doubts, and just drive,
and with all those thoughts, swirling in my mind,
I remind myself, it is time.
The main character of my story,
the center of my universe, in this life,
and no great story ends, with he wondered,
what he could be, with all his time,
each great episode, ends with… to be continued,
and the end, is not written, it is stumbled upon at one point,
and since always, I wanted to greet death with a smile,
to welcome an old friend, to sit beside,
so, if nothing else, the person I always am,
is to communicate, to write, to discuss, to share, and survive,
how would it be to meet a friend, and when they ask,
how have you lived and survived all this time?
and I say, I pondered, and waited, and now the end came at its time,
so boring for my friend, and as all the people believe in me,
they will also sigh, and shake their head,
so, for me to not disappoint, the last entity I will greet,
lets write my own destiny,
not based on who I was, and how I wanted to be,
the character is built, now its time for the story to begin,
so when death sits by my side,
I greet and smile, but not content with the end,
but to tell a friend, the story of my life.